Five Times Aemilia Jones Wooed Alice Kirkland
by StargateNerd
Summary: ... and One Time She Didn't. A present for Neelh for being the 100th reviewer for AWW! She requested Nyotalia USUK/HP and SG-chan delivered. The rating is for Chapter 3. Discontinued on this site, see profile for more details.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone, SG-chan here! ^^ Anywho, this is a present for Neelh, who was the 100th reviewer for my APH/HP story _A Wonderful World (of Magic)_. She is also quite possibly my mistress, but we haven't worked out the details yet x3 Anyways, she requested Nyotalia USUK in the HP 'verse, and SG-chan being the overachiever she is (not! XD), couldn't decide which plot she wanted to go with, so she decided on a 'Five Times "Insert Name" "Insert Verb" "Insert Different Name" and Five Times "Insert Name" Didn't' format. It's been quite amusing so far, coming up with different titles.

Also, I'm so sorry for people who love France (like me)! T_T I know it doesn't seem like it, but he really is one of my favorite characters! It's just that his character fits that of a creeper so wonderfully well... So this is just SG-chan saying that she is sorry if she offends any France fans TT_TT

And now, onto the actual oneshot! ^^ Each chapter will be unrelated to the last, btw.

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><p><strong>Summary:<strong> Alice Kirkland is a sixth year Slytherin. Aemilia Jones is a sixth year Gryffindor. This story occurs during the year the TriWizard Tournament is hosted at Hogwarts. The Yule Ball is coming up and Aemilia, having had a gargantuan crush on Alice for the longest time, decides to ask her to the dance. The only problem is that the world seems to be out to cock-block Aemilia – figuratively speaking of course.

**~AwesomePageBreakOfAwesome~**

_Today's the day,_ Aemilia F. Jones decided to herself. _I'm going to do it._ She nodded to herself, summoned up her brightest smile, and made her way to where the object of her affections was about to leave the Great Hall. "Hey Alice," Aemilia greeted cheerfully. "How are you doing this morning?"

"Well enough I suppose," the other girl replied as she pushed her glasses back up her nose. The 'moeness' – as Kiku liked to call it – of the situation almost made Aemilia squee. "That jerk Bonnefois has been hounding me; seems he won't take the hint that I _don't_ want to go with an ill-mannered and uncultured frog such as him." Alice's nose wrinkled as if the mere mention of her Housemate's name disgusted her, and Aemilia wanted to pinch her cheeks and coo at her.

"That's good," she said instead. At Alice's curious look, she covered up with, "He's a jerk and if you had agreed to go with him, I'd doubt your taste in guys even more!"

Alice blushed and began to sputter at the reference to her first and second-year crush on Professor Snape. She'd been convinced that all he needed was love to soften him up, but after he publically demolished the valentine a 'Secret Admirer' sent him, Alice had finally been convinced that it probably wasn't wise to try to win the Potion Master's heart. Speaking of…

"Did you finish that assignment on the uses of murtlap?"

"Yes, and I'm _not_ letting you copy it."

"Wouldn't dream of it. Just wondering if anyone else found it as difficult as I did."

"Well, maybe if you applied yourself and studied for once…"

"Aw c'mon, you're a _genius_ at Potions!" Aemilia whined, internally beaming at the slight blush and smile that crossed Alice's face at the praise. "I barely scraped together an outstanding to pass my OWLs, and that was _with_ you and Kiku tutoring me!" Their Ravenclaw friend was quite strict when it came to studying; maybe even more so than Alice.

"Hey, Alice." Aemilia forced herself out of her musings. "You know, the Yule Ball is-"

"Good morning Arisu-san, Amiria-san," a polite and normally welcome voice greeted.

"Good morning Kiku," Alice greeted the Japanese Ravenclaw. "How are you?"

"Fine, sank you for inquiring," Kiku replied with a slight incline of the head. "And you, Amiria-san?"

"I'm just peachy!" Aemilia chirped forcefully. Kiku's eyes narrowed slightly, but Alice didn't notice anything. "Let's get to class already!"

_Lunch_, Aemilia decided with new determination. _I'll ask her at lunch._

**~AwesomePageBreakOfAwesome~**

Great, they're serving cinnamon rolls! Aemilia mentally cheered. Those are her favorite; she's sure to be in a good mood! In high spirits once again, Aemilia quickly gulped down the last of her hot dog – Thank God she'd been able to teach the House Elves how to make a decent one – and approached the Slytherin table. There was a murmur of dissent from some of the younger students about a Gryffindor coming over, but one glare form unwavering sky blue eyes shut them up quickly.

"Hey Alice," she greeted her friend as she plopped down beside the other blonde. "Cinnamon rolls tasty?"

Alice shot her a glare for talking to her while she was in the middle of chewing and waited to finish her mouthful before she scolded her. "Don't talk to others while they're in the middle of eating. And why are you over here?"

"What, I can't come visit my best friend? Aemilia whined while turning her puppy eyes on full force.

Alice blushed slightly, both at the title and the puppy dog eyes. "I thought we agreed we would not be using those again," she chided as she waved one finger – slightly sticky from eating cinnamon rolls – in nagging. "They're dangerous."

"Your beauty is what is dangerous, _ma chérie_." Francis Bonnefois, playboy extraordinaire and at the top of Aemilia's hit list – that she totally _didn't_ have, cause heroes don't have hit lists, not at all, and they certainly aren't kept in little purple unicorn journals either – purred as he appeared in the chair on Alice's other side. "Have you changed your mind yet?"

"No, and I never will Bonnefois," Alice retorted, glaring at the seventh year for ruining her lunch.

"Yeah, get lost Francey-pants." Aemilia added her own glare. She wondered if she could get Professor Vector to give her a pass to the Restricted Section – purely for research on her Arithmancy project, of course. "Alice says no, and that means no."

"Do not busy yourself with European matters, _Américain_," Francis sniffed disdainfully. "What Alice does is her business, not those of _Muggleborns_ from across the Atlantic." The slight against her heritage caused those around them to snicker while Aemilia simply showed all her teeth in what could be barely called a grin.

"I'm a half-blood Francey-pants, and even if I weren't, at least I've got brains – how're you gonna pass your NEWTs? Sucking off all your examiners?"

"Aemilia!" Alice gasped in outrage at the other girl's vulgar accusation. The Gryffindor merely grabbed her hand and dragged her away, muttering under her breath about not being able to scream in space, and someone named 'Tony'.

**~AwesomePageBreakOfAwesome~**

"Where is Arisu-san?" Kiku asked as he saw Aemilia sitting by herself in the library.

"Dunno," Aemilia sulked. "I don't get why she's mad at me – I told Bonnefois off for her and she gives me the cold shoulder! The bastard totally gets whatever's coming to him; everyone knows he's a manwhore anyway, I was just saying what was common knowledge!"

"Whezer common knoredge or not, Bonnefois-san is a Srytherin, and one of Arisu-san's Housemates," Kiku reminded her gently. "It is aso rikery that because of the Gryffindor-Srytherin feud, and the fact that you and Arisu-san are friends, she may be suffering farrout from her Housemates."

"What?" Aemilia blurted. "Who's been bullying her? I'll kick their asses!" She ducked as Madame Pince aimed a glare at her and shushed her. "Sorry," Aemilia whisper shouted. She turned back to Kiku. "Fill me in."

"You care a rot about Arisu-san," Kiku replied with a slight smile.

"W-well of course I do!" Aemilia blushed. "She was my first friend at Hogwarts."

"Yes," Kiku nodded, his smile knowing. "Anyway, my advice to you, Amiria-san, would be to find Arisu-san and aporogize to her."

"What?" Aemilia hissed. "Why? I've got no reason to be sorry!"

"Even if your actions caused Arisu-san problems wis her Housemates?" Kiku asked with a raised eyebrow.

Aemilia let out a long sigh. "Fine. I'll go find Alice and apologize. But so help me, if that slimy Frenchman gets in my way, he's going to learn why I'm related to about half of the American Unspeakables."

**~AwesomePageBreakOfAwesome~**

Unfortunately, it seemed that the world was conspiring against Aemilia. She couldn't find Alice in any of their usual haunts, and when she bribed Alice's brother Peter to look in the Slytherin common room for her, he relayed that nobody had seen her for a while. Consequently, Amelia was now terrified that Alice had run afoul of some Durmstrang students, or maybe Bonnefois had kidnapped her and taken her to that freaky-ass room that obeyed whatever people thought –

The Gryffindor felt like slamming her head against a hard surface. How could she have missed such an _obvious_ hiding spot?

**~AwesomePageBreakOfAwesome~**

_I need Alice, I need Alice, I need Alice,_ Amelia thought to herself as she paced back and forth in front of the tapestry. When an unassuming wooden door, weathered by age, appeared in the wall, she felt her heart jump. She forced her expression into one of neutrality and softly pushed the door open.

"Go away." Alice spoke in a monotone. Her back was to Aemilia and she sat facing a splendent, though rather small, garden. Aemilia could feel the nostalgia pulling at her, reminding her of when her great-grandmother had read _The Secret Garden_ to them when Alice had visited over the summer between second and third year.

"I'm sorry," Aemilia apologized. "That was rather childish of me, what I said yesterday. It's just – he thinks he knows you so well but he _doesn't_, and all he does care about is your looks!" Alice turned to see Aemilia had a rather furious expression on her face. "He's such a slimy _frog_ and sometimes I just wish I could make him go jump off a cliff or something cause he stresses you out so much!"

"Do you mean that?" Alice asked quietly, her emerald green eyes red-rimmed from crying.

"Hell yeah!" Aemilia exclaimed. "I wouldn't care if you suddenly turned into a Nundu, you'd still be my best friend!"

Alice laughed slightly as she wiped beneath her eyes at her glasses. "You're so melodramatic Aemilia."

"It's the truth though, " Aemilia whined with a dose of her puppy dog eyes. "You're the most beautiful girl at Hogwarts." She smiled, a true smile and not one of her usual 1000-megawatt hero smiles.

Alice blushed heavily at the praise. "You're joking."

"No, I'm not." Aemilia sat down on the ground next to Alice and held her hands. "I realize this is probably the most dick time to do this, but would you, Alice Kirkland, do me the honor of accompanying me to the Yule Ball?"

"You're serious?" Alice asked, her eyes widening.

"As Kiku," Aemilia reassured her. There was a moment of silence and Aemilia's heart began to sink as dozens of scenarios rushed through her head, each more negative than the last as she lost Alice's friendship, was called sick and a freak for liking –

"Yes."

Aemilia blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I said yes, you great dolt," Alice scolded, though there was no real weight behind the insult. "Or do I need to translate into American for you?"

"You really mean it?" Aemilia surged forward and wrapped Alice in a hug. "Thank you!"

"Besides, you're the only person I can think of who might be halfway decent company at the ball," Alice smiled softly as she laid a hand on Aemilia's cheek.

"So cruel!"Aemilia whined.

Alice chuckled slightly. "That's just how I am luv." She frowned at Aemilia's expression of sudden nervousness. "What's wrong?"

"C-can I kiss you?" Aemilia stuttered, her face going red as a tomato. "I-it can just be on the cheek or something, it doesn't have to be – " She was cut off by the soft press of Alice's finger to her lips, shushing her.

"Yes, you may, but – " Aemilia kept herself from exploding with nervous excitement as she waited for Alice's condition. " – if you are going to use tongue at all, make sure to only do it around Francis. I want to torture him."

Aemilia grinned at Alice's smirk. "I can definitely do that."

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><p>Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this first little oneshot ^^ There will be five more chapters; four that will be USUK, and then the last one will be UKUS. Also, in case you're wondering, the M rating is for chapter three; Neelh requested smut at one point and that is the chapter that will have smut x3<p>

Have a good day, and make sure to review! ^^


	2. That's It I'm Done

Okay, has seriously gone WAY too far.

My sister - you all know Mel, I rant about her enough - is really getting into the Hetalia fandom and she's written some great stories, including a HetaOni one over 20 chapters long and a 2Ptalia story that I've been betaing for her.

Both of those stories have been deleted because of the language _in the stories_. Not the summaries. The stories themselves.

Now, as her sister I'm probably biased in thinking she hasn't done anything wrong, but both of those stories were listed and fit under T ratings, and I have read the guidelines about ten or twelve times now - there is NOTHING in there about language; just that summaries/titles of stories need to be K.

Sorry , you've been great and all, but aside from keeping up with my favorite fanfics on there, I'm done. I was pissed off enough when you deleted my Star Trek/Detective Conan crossover for an improper summary that you could've just messaged me about so I could've fixed it, but you fucked with my sister, and that's just the last straw for me.

I apologize to all of you who've been so great in continuing to read my stories even when I don't/haven't updated for ages, and to those of you who are totally awesome and review for each chapter and aren't afraid to give me con. crit. I will continue to write, and you can find me on both AO3 and yourfanfiction . com.

At first it was just about the porn on , but now it's moved way past that. The admins are being outright abusive with their power now, and they certainly don't deserve the motto of "Unleash Your Imagination".


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